Post by bigdustyhaystacks on Mar 20, 2017 3:00:14 GMT
As the cameras find Big Dusty Haystacks pacing about in the backstage area for one of British Pro Wrestling's big shows, England's darling of the squared circle is currently whistling the rock classic, "Aces High" while patting out the drum section on his own vast belly!
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, excuse me Big Dusty, but if I may have a word?
Big Dusty looks up, rather startled.
Big Dusty: Now, Sir Allen, I was just reachin' the guitar solo...if you might want to hold on a moment...
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, Big Dusty...I must say, I have some urgent news to ask you about...
Big Dusty: Well, if it's urgent it is urgent.
Big Dusty: Well, Allen, your's truly, that is, Big Dusty Haystacks, got in contact with that fine American federation, the Warrior Wrestling League...they need some help getting off the ground and you know, they're right decent fellows and they were in a pinch. It's not easy getting a solid wrestling federation started, you know. And so, well, I said, alright, let's have it a go. And so you see, this is the last time you're gonna be seeing Big Dusty in British Pro Wrestling for quite a spell!
Sir Allen: You're headed to the newly established Warrior Wrestling League, then? The rumors are true?
Big Dusty: That I am, that I am. They're not rumors, sir. They're facts. But let me tell you, Merry old England is my home, sir. It's the place that made me what I am if you know what I mean. And I want to do them proud when I head off on this new journey of mine.
I don't want to be biting off more than I can chew...the cameras are watchin' me, the media's watchin' me...and dare I say, I think even perhaps even some of the youth are gonna be watchin' this old duff. And the last thing I want to do is to let 'em down by findin' out that can't handle myself....
Sir Allen: There's a lot of pressure I'm sure...
Big Dusty: Oh, tremendous pressure, tremendous. And I need to make sure I'm ready for the biggest, meatiest, heaviest that the states have to offer...starting today. Starting here and now, in fact. Now, I've done my best to build a reputation as a fellow that's more or less upright and gives people a fair go of it...and I'm going to be honest.
Sir Allen: Yes, Big Dusty?
Big Dusty: Well, that's going to change is what I'm getting at. If I can, if I can...and I mean this, I bloody mean this...I am going to tear into America's best, rip 'em apart, gnash 'em up an' leave absolutely nothing, NOTHING left. I am going to be something akin to a hungry wolf...bite into 'em, chomp 'em up...the Yankees will be fit to think I'm a savage, I reckon.
Sir Allen stands back, aghast at what he is hearing.
Sir Allen: Absolutely...absolutely...wicked, what I'm hearing! I can't believe it! Big Dusty, but what, what about the children that look up to you?
Big Dusty: Well, if there happens to be something left, they can help themselves to it. If it's too much for me to handle, Man Upstairs forbid it, but if so, the little ones can run in and take a bite...
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, you mean to tell me you are going to involve children in this, this business of tearing apart whatever gets in your way?
Big Dusty: Tooth and claw my man, tooth and claw. And it starts NOW...it's time to see if I measure up to the work I'm about to embark on...
A big, burly American man comes up to Big Dusty, just then.
Massive American: Hello Big Dusty...I've come to test you out...you've been doing a lot of talking about what you're going to do on the American circuit...well, let's see if you can handle this...
He's close to Big Dusty's height and he stares him square in the eye. Big Dusty returns the stare, but then looks down to the paper bag the American is holding in quite an ominous manner. Big Dusty braces himself as the American reaches into the bag....and produces a Wendy's quintuple stack, ultra-baconized cheesy cheeseburger!
Big Dusty: That's right, I'm completely ready for whatever comes my way out there in the New World! Wendy's is first...but then, McDonald's, Rally's...don't forget Golden Corral's gauntlet...Ponderosa if they're still going!
Big Dusty snatches the burger and in a few short seconds, has completely devoured it!
Big Dusty: The Warrior Wrestling League had better pack its pantries...Big Dusty is coming your way!
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, excuse me Big Dusty, but if I may have a word?
Big Dusty looks up, rather startled.
Big Dusty: Now, Sir Allen, I was just reachin' the guitar solo...if you might want to hold on a moment...
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, Big Dusty...I must say, I have some urgent news to ask you about...
Big Dusty: Well, if it's urgent it is urgent.
Big Dusty: Well, Allen, your's truly, that is, Big Dusty Haystacks, got in contact with that fine American federation, the Warrior Wrestling League...they need some help getting off the ground and you know, they're right decent fellows and they were in a pinch. It's not easy getting a solid wrestling federation started, you know. And so, well, I said, alright, let's have it a go. And so you see, this is the last time you're gonna be seeing Big Dusty in British Pro Wrestling for quite a spell!
Sir Allen: You're headed to the newly established Warrior Wrestling League, then? The rumors are true?
Big Dusty: That I am, that I am. They're not rumors, sir. They're facts. But let me tell you, Merry old England is my home, sir. It's the place that made me what I am if you know what I mean. And I want to do them proud when I head off on this new journey of mine.
I don't want to be biting off more than I can chew...the cameras are watchin' me, the media's watchin' me...and dare I say, I think even perhaps even some of the youth are gonna be watchin' this old duff. And the last thing I want to do is to let 'em down by findin' out that can't handle myself....
Sir Allen: There's a lot of pressure I'm sure...
Big Dusty: Oh, tremendous pressure, tremendous. And I need to make sure I'm ready for the biggest, meatiest, heaviest that the states have to offer...starting today. Starting here and now, in fact. Now, I've done my best to build a reputation as a fellow that's more or less upright and gives people a fair go of it...and I'm going to be honest.
Sir Allen: Yes, Big Dusty?
Big Dusty: Well, that's going to change is what I'm getting at. If I can, if I can...and I mean this, I bloody mean this...I am going to tear into America's best, rip 'em apart, gnash 'em up an' leave absolutely nothing, NOTHING left. I am going to be something akin to a hungry wolf...bite into 'em, chomp 'em up...the Yankees will be fit to think I'm a savage, I reckon.
Sir Allen stands back, aghast at what he is hearing.
Sir Allen: Absolutely...absolutely...wicked, what I'm hearing! I can't believe it! Big Dusty, but what, what about the children that look up to you?
Big Dusty: Well, if there happens to be something left, they can help themselves to it. If it's too much for me to handle, Man Upstairs forbid it, but if so, the little ones can run in and take a bite...
Sir Allen: Big Dusty, you mean to tell me you are going to involve children in this, this business of tearing apart whatever gets in your way?
Big Dusty: Tooth and claw my man, tooth and claw. And it starts NOW...it's time to see if I measure up to the work I'm about to embark on...
A big, burly American man comes up to Big Dusty, just then.
Massive American: Hello Big Dusty...I've come to test you out...you've been doing a lot of talking about what you're going to do on the American circuit...well, let's see if you can handle this...
He's close to Big Dusty's height and he stares him square in the eye. Big Dusty returns the stare, but then looks down to the paper bag the American is holding in quite an ominous manner. Big Dusty braces himself as the American reaches into the bag....and produces a Wendy's quintuple stack, ultra-baconized cheesy cheeseburger!
Big Dusty: That's right, I'm completely ready for whatever comes my way out there in the New World! Wendy's is first...but then, McDonald's, Rally's...don't forget Golden Corral's gauntlet...Ponderosa if they're still going!
Big Dusty snatches the burger and in a few short seconds, has completely devoured it!
Big Dusty: The Warrior Wrestling League had better pack its pantries...Big Dusty is coming your way!