Post by presidentleroy on May 14, 2017 0:20:57 GMT
In front the Warrior Wrestling League headquarters, a powerful figure addresses the gathered throngs of reporters and general public, speaking with the ease and brilliance of a man born to lead men.
Leroy: Ah, the huddled masses. Greetings to you...I look upon you and am touched by the eagerness and the reverence in your eyes. Here you gather before the company I have built from scratch, the Warrior Wrestling League, in anticipation of this, my first public address. Of course, the world first came to know me as the world's most perfectly developed man, possessor of the most aesthetically perfect physique ever produced by the human race to date. Then, when I simultaneously opened up Golden Power gym and the Vitamin Enhancement International health stores, you bore witness to my razor-sharp business accumen and peerless mental capacity. Having taken the fitness world by storm, you wondered whether or not I would choose to allow the public the honor of voting me into one of your public offices..or perhaps take my place as Hollywood's star to end all stars. And yet, what is perhaps impossible for all of you to understand about me is that, when I look down upon you from my place at the pinnacle of human achievement, it is not with disgust or even indifference that I look upon your flabby, unconditioned forms bustling about like a disorganized ant colony...but rather something akin to pity. Thats' right. I Leroy...the living Olympian...feel for you people. And thus, I decided in my infinite compassion to provide you with the opiate of entertainment...to distract you from the insurmountable difficulties that overwhelm your lives.
I gave you...the Warrior Wrestling League...! A spectacle fit to distract even one such as I!
And yet...I find the federation I founded for you, the people, my adoring masses...overrun with miscreants and misfits! Rogar, the only sufficiently muscular member of the entire federation embarassed me and all that I have built with his animalistic antics during our last event. Biting his opponents like some pathetic, rabid dog! I assure you that he shall face the full weight of justice for his actions...and will be permanently banned from the doors of the Warrior Wrestling League!
Wild Child, the misguided harlot who excited him to such madness by presenting him with the sight and smell of fresh blood...shall also face disciplinary action and possible termination should she fail to live up to the standards of this league. Thus far, she has simply shown herself to be a manipulative coward. This is a place for gladiators, not glorified street urchins. She has two choices: conduct herself honorably or be banished just as Rogar.
In a gesture of outreach to the disabled and unfit, I allowed the undersized mute known as KnightMask to enter the league. And through some strange quirk of fate, you find yourself now as one half of the tag-team champions, along with Madman. And yet, in spite of my generosity, you have made no attempt to compensate for your lack of speech. You too, now find yourself on the verge of termination, my poor, misbegotten little friend. Speaking of friends, your ally, Big Dusty Haystacks, is hardly an appropriate representative of the brand which I have fashioned. Whatever undoubtedly medicore muscle you may lay claim to is utterly hidden beneath the most hideous cover of cellulite slime I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. As you recouperate in the hospital, think long and hard about either altering your lifestyle by submitting to a proper fitness and supplement program or facing unemployment.
That leaves us to Madman--the heavyweight champion and newly crowned tag-team champion. The one-time lap dog of the now-defunct UWL's Bloodking. This is not the UWL my friend. Conduct yourself appropriately my friend...or I may honor you with a personal thrashing.
I have spoken. You may now disperse.
