Post by wildchild on Apr 24, 2017 19:11:47 GMT
Leona Pantera, fresh off being fired from her job as an elite government-paid superhero, had already come up with a name: Wild Child. Leona Pantera was pretty cool, she thought, but she didn't want haters blowing up her inbox or finding out where she lived, so a stage-name was just fine. Now, she just needed a contract, which brought her to the official headquarters of the Warrior Wrestling League, where she planned to strut her stuff and convince them to sign her. There she met B.R Crat, one of the WWL's top paper pushers.
Wild Child: So check me out...I'm bad, I'm beautiful, I'm actually the chick Motley Crue was singing about in 'The Looks that Kill'! I'm the cat's meow and more than that...I'm already all over TV!
B.R. Crat: Ahem. I hate that song. And yes, I saw you on the 6 o'clock news...you and your shenanigans leveled an entire residential neighborhood and ruined a children's birthday party...
Wild Child: No press is bad press, babe!
B.R. Crat: Actually, Warrior Wrestling League is a family program...and one thing we don't need...is wanted fugitives on our roster!
Wild Child: Okay, what do I need to do to convince you?
B.R. Crat: You know what, you're wasting my time. I have a meeting with a top female prospect, Sharon Williams, now known as Small Sharon...you may have heard of her...she was Miss Universe 8 years ago. She's a real celebrity. Now please, get out of my office.
Wild Child suddenly got a great idea. Whoever the heck this Small Sharon was, Wildchild was sure she could kick her butt all over the ring.
Wild Child: Lets say I can beat her? Then would you sign me?
B.R. Crat: Hahaha...very amusing. But yes, I suppose I might sign you if you could do that. Or if you could make PBS the highest rated television network...or perhaps make pigs fly.
The door opens and Small Sharon joins them.
Wild Child: WTF...?
B.R. Crat: Ah, Small Sharon, so glad you could join us. It appears that you will in fact, have a try-out match prior to your contract signing ('Small Sharon' lifts Wildchild and attempts to stuff her into her mouth) no, no...our snacks are located down the hall...this will be your opponent in your squash match, er, rather, try-out.
Wild Child: Alright, I just want one thing--lets make this an evening gown match...first person to have their evening gown ripped off...is the loser!
B.R. Crat: Well, very well. I suppose you are supposed to grant requests in these sorts of situations. One hour from now, I shall see you ladies in the ring!
One hour later, Wildchild is facing off in the ring against her mammoth opponent, while B.R. Crat watches from ringside, ready to see her squashed and maimed in an evening gown match. The bell rings and immediately, Wildchild begins running, dodging and flipping about the ring, using her speed and agility to avoid any and all contact with her lumbering opponent who chases after her, looking to squash her like a bug. Eventually it becomes ridiculous--Wildchild running, Small Sharon chasing. Then, out of nowhere, Small Sharon begins screaming and desperately scratching herself. Finally, she rips off her evening gown and flees the ring. Wildchild is announced the winner...and the owner of Warrior Wrestling League contract!
B.R. Crat: It sorrows me to do this, but I suppose I must. Welcome to the Warrior Wrestling League Wildchild. I have no idea what you did to poor Small Sharon but I suppose you did win the match, given the rules.
Wildchild smiled inwardly. Before the match, she had used her powers of stealth to sneak into Small Sharon's dressing room...and apply a special brand of itching powder to her dress...Acme Itching Powder...the label read, "Just Add Water!" Or in this case....sweat.
Wild Child: So check me out...I'm bad, I'm beautiful, I'm actually the chick Motley Crue was singing about in 'The Looks that Kill'! I'm the cat's meow and more than that...I'm already all over TV!
B.R. Crat: Ahem. I hate that song. And yes, I saw you on the 6 o'clock news...you and your shenanigans leveled an entire residential neighborhood and ruined a children's birthday party...
Wild Child: No press is bad press, babe!
B.R. Crat: Actually, Warrior Wrestling League is a family program...and one thing we don't need...is wanted fugitives on our roster!
Wild Child: Okay, what do I need to do to convince you?
B.R. Crat: You know what, you're wasting my time. I have a meeting with a top female prospect, Sharon Williams, now known as Small Sharon...you may have heard of her...she was Miss Universe 8 years ago. She's a real celebrity. Now please, get out of my office.
Wild Child suddenly got a great idea. Whoever the heck this Small Sharon was, Wildchild was sure she could kick her butt all over the ring.
Wild Child: Lets say I can beat her? Then would you sign me?
B.R. Crat: Hahaha...very amusing. But yes, I suppose I might sign you if you could do that. Or if you could make PBS the highest rated television network...or perhaps make pigs fly.
The door opens and Small Sharon joins them.
Wild Child: WTF...?
B.R. Crat: Ah, Small Sharon, so glad you could join us. It appears that you will in fact, have a try-out match prior to your contract signing ('Small Sharon' lifts Wildchild and attempts to stuff her into her mouth) no, no...our snacks are located down the hall...this will be your opponent in your squash match, er, rather, try-out.
Wild Child: Alright, I just want one thing--lets make this an evening gown match...first person to have their evening gown ripped off...is the loser!
B.R. Crat: Well, very well. I suppose you are supposed to grant requests in these sorts of situations. One hour from now, I shall see you ladies in the ring!
One hour later, Wildchild is facing off in the ring against her mammoth opponent, while B.R. Crat watches from ringside, ready to see her squashed and maimed in an evening gown match. The bell rings and immediately, Wildchild begins running, dodging and flipping about the ring, using her speed and agility to avoid any and all contact with her lumbering opponent who chases after her, looking to squash her like a bug. Eventually it becomes ridiculous--Wildchild running, Small Sharon chasing. Then, out of nowhere, Small Sharon begins screaming and desperately scratching herself. Finally, she rips off her evening gown and flees the ring. Wildchild is announced the winner...and the owner of Warrior Wrestling League contract!
B.R. Crat: It sorrows me to do this, but I suppose I must. Welcome to the Warrior Wrestling League Wildchild. I have no idea what you did to poor Small Sharon but I suppose you did win the match, given the rules.
Wildchild smiled inwardly. Before the match, she had used her powers of stealth to sneak into Small Sharon's dressing room...and apply a special brand of itching powder to her dress...Acme Itching Powder...the label read, "Just Add Water!" Or in this case....sweat.